World's Worst Ninjas
by omfgthisisgay321
Summary: When three not-so-normal teens find themselves in the Naruto world they realize that there is more to the Akatsuki than they thought. Of love, laughs, candy, squirrels, adventures, pepperspray, pets, and minivans. Oh my.
1. Dude, I Think We've Just Been Kidnapped

Me: Hi there! Welcome to my first fan-fiction here on !

Thirrin73: You mean your fist fan-fic with help from others.

Poindexter107: Yea, yea!

Me: Aaanywho….this story is about 3 girls who gets kidnapped by the Akatsuki. Humor is to ensue, along with excess crazyness, and clouds of fluff. Thirrin73 and Poindexter107 will be helping me with this story.

Poindexter107: Now lets introduce the boys!

Thirrin73: Sasori, Hidan, and Itachi come on down!

Hidan: The fuck are we doing here woman(s)?!

Itachi: Hn.

Sasori: _'mumbles'_ First Thirrin-chan's stories, now this.

Thirrin73: _'smug smile' _You know you love me.

Poindexter107: ITACHI-CHAN! _'glomps'_

Itachi: Hn, Poindexter…….chan.

Me: _'turns to Hidan'_ Don't I get a hug, Hida-_kun_?

Hidan: What do I look like to you, a fuckin teddy bear?

Me: Maaaybeee…

Sasori: Shouldn't we be moving on?

Thirrin73: The following is how the dialog for the story shall work.

"Blah." - Speech.  
"_Blah." _- Thoughts or Intercom Voices/stuff like that.  
'_Blah.'_ - Actions, sound effects.  
_Blah. - _Flashbacks.

Poindexter107: Say the disclaimer Ita-chan! _'pushes the Uchiha into the spotlight'_

Itachi: Hn. _'clears throat'_ Akatsuki115 (along with Thirrin73 and Poindexter107) does not own _Naruto_, or any of its characters-

Hidan: Fuckin Amen to that.

Itachi: _'glares at the Jashinist for interrupting him' Naruto_ belongs to it's rightful owner Masashi Kishimoto. Any songs mentioned in this fic do not belong to the authoress's. Do not take any of the contents of this fic seriously.

Me: And now, Hidan?

Hidan: _'mumbles to himself'_ Don't fuckin tell me what to do woman.

Me: What was that?

Hidan: **Warning:** OOCness abound, fuckin no one will be 'in character'. This story is gonna be so fucked up. This fic is mainly real-life occurrences, crazy dreams, damn random songs, and a shit-load of _SpongeBob SquarePants_ and _Naruto: The Abridged Series_ references. And also language, but who wouldn't expect some fuckin cussing in any fic that had _ME_ involved? _'wide grin'_

Me: You will drown in the fluff… drown in it… DROWN IN IT!

Thirrin73: Please excuse all spelling and grammatical errors, all the chaos that will appear, and anything you don't like.

Poindexter107: Why do you always say that?

Thirrin73: Because I enjoy being overly polite while on the internet :D

Me: If there is anything you don't like in the story…well boo bit-

Thirrin73: Don't say it! Who knows how many flames you'll get by insulting the readers!

Me: Whatever. Anywho, if there is…blah blah blah…story…blah blah, well that's just too bad.

Everyone: Now, please enjoy the fic!

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Dedicated to:

_Whoever reads and reviews :D_

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_World's Worst Ninjas_

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Written by:

_Thirrin73, Akatsuki115, and Poindexter107_

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_**Chapter 1:**_

_Dude, I Think We've Just Been Kidnapped…_

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Chloe stole a glance to her left to look at her brown-haired friend. Kaya seemed to be fairing the same as her. Which meant she was near death via boredom. She looked to her right and saw that her other friend, Lavender, was already asleep. Why did World History have to be so boring? Sure, the teacher was great and had hilarious stories, but today they had a substitute teacher. Which totally and genuinely sucked.

Now, you're probably wondering who these three teens are. Lets see some Bio's.

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Name: Kaya Iero

Codename: Random Ninja 1

Age: Nearly 16

Ethnic Group: Caucasian.

Appearance: Long wavy brown hair, usually up in pigtails, with bangs covering the right side of her face. Medium height. Icy blue eyes. Black and purple diagonally striped, short-sleeved shirt that's left shoulder is bare but creates a sleeve two inches from the tip of the shoulder. Black tank-top underneath. Black finger-less gloves that end and inch or two below the elbow. Silver studded black belt over jeans with a few rips, underneath the rips are fishnets. Black and white checkerboard Vans. A necklace with a key and heart-lock charms.

Described As (by her friends): Plain beautiful

Status: Ringleader of the group/ The Strongest.

Likes: Anime, manga, the outdoors, any/all music, the internet, and television.

Dislikes: Rain and the cold.

School Extra Curricular Activity: Color guard and band.

Purse/Bag Contents: Money, sticky notes, Hidan plushy (birthday present from Chloe), iPod, and a cell phone.

Other Info: Is a decent artist, has fairly good grades, tends to become rather violent, and rarely shows any enthusiasm in anything unless she has had sugar recently. Can become somewhat of a pyromaniac at sudden times. Very outgoing, a daredevil. Loves most animals. Short temper. Has sudden bursts of super-human strength.

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Name: Lavender Blue

Codename: Random Ninja 2

Age: 15 and a half

Ethnic Group: African America, Native American, Japanese, Chinese, and others. She and her friends joke that she is _"A whole fuckin rainbow."_

Appearance: Short, messy, black hair with light purple streaks, that is short in the back with long bangs. Tall. Hazely, brownish, green eyes. Freckles scattered across her nose and cheek area. Black skinny jeans with holes in random places, the holes are filled in with pink cloth. Black T-shirt with neon checkerboard print, with a long-sleeved fishnet shirt underneath. Brown and blue glasses. Converse.

Described As (by her friends): Sexy but the total opposite of a slut.

Status: The Perv of the group/The Fastest Runner.

Likes: Anime, manga, yaoi, all music, the internet, and television.

Dislikes: Being slowed down, ironically she is can be rather uncoordinated and clumsy.

School Extra Curricular Activity: Color guard and band.

Purse/Bag Contents: Money, random manga's, Itachi plushy (also a birthday present from Chloe), iPod, paper and pencils, makeup, and old notes. There is always some sort of DVD in it.

Other Info: Also a decent artist, mostly good grades, usually pretty random, perverted, and if she is not listening to music and/or singing a song she gets _Music Withdrawal Syndrome. _Is pretty fast. Usually really loud. Also loves most animals. Able to make friends with anyone. Has an aura around her that makes most people act out of character and become somewhat of a clutz.

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Name: Chloe Jones

Codename: Random Ninja 3

Age: 15

Ethnic Group: Caucasian

Appearance: Short cropped blonde hair that nearly brushes the shoulders with black tips. Messy bangs (also have black ends) that fall over her eyes. Shortest of the three. Aquamarine eyes, though only Kaya and Lavender actually know her true eye color (because the orbs are usually covered by her bangs). Black hoodie with gold borders/hems/cuffs, with a black tank-top underneath. Black finger-less gloves that end at the wrist. Black cloth choker with a yellow circle in the middle. Washed out blue jeans. Worn-out converse.

Described As (by her friends): Positively Cute.

Status: The Smart One/The One That Rarely Talks

Likes: Anime, manga, all music, the internet, television/movies and all that has to with it, staring off into space and observing people and things.

Dislikes: Bright lights, mornings, hot weather, and animal cruelty.

School Extra Curricular Activity: Color guard and band.

Purse/Bag Contents: Little bit of money, paper and pencils, cell phone, iPod, Sasori plushy (present from both Kaya and Lavender), endless supply of random candy.

Other Info: Stares off into space on a daily basis. Best artist of the three, ironically has the worst handwriting. Is the smartest and helps the others with homework and the likes. Rarely talks to anyone besides Lavender and Kaya or someone she feels comfortable around (doesn't really talk at all). Also loves animals, believes in animal rights. Vegetarian. Gets babied a lot because of her petite look. Usually really nice (when she actually socializes) but has a very frightening glare.

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Exasperated with her boredom, Chloe pulled out a piece of paper and messily wrote down a message. The blonde folded up the sheet and, with her eyes glued to the back of the sub who was writing on the board with a dry-erase marker, inconspicuously passed it to Kaya.

And by inconspicuously we mean she aimed for the top of the brunettes backpack, flicked the small triangle to her target, and sighed when the note missed its mark and fell in the middle of the row separating the two girls.

Holding back a snicker at her friend's poor aim, Kaya quickly grabbed the note and read Chloe's message.

_Heeey…Are you as bored as I am?_

_X3 I'm gonna eat my bag of Skittles that I've had for nearly a year after school! I finally have the chance to eat them since my little sis finally forgot about them :D_

_Heh heh…….fruit cup :D_

_Random Ninja 3,  
__Out_

As the brunette read the note she laughed to herself. The best buds had their mentioned codenames thanks to the hours they spent watching _Naruto: The Abridged Series_. Reading back over the note, Kaya remembered how the blonde always had some sort of snack or candy in her mini-backpack, it seemed as if the supply was limitless.

"_She'd better share those Skittles with me." _Kaya thought to herself as she wrote down a reply to her friend.

_Yeah, of course I'm bored! This sub doesn't do anything besides write on the board!!! D:_

_Better give me some of those Skittles or else I'll steal your journal and show everyone your drawings! 8D_

_Heheheheh…….Ima mosquito net :D_

_Random Ninja 1,  
__L8r_

Kaya flicked the note back to Chloe, the afore mentioned scrap of paper landing precisely in the middle of the shorter teen's desk.

The brunette smirked at her friend who glared at her and mouthed the words _"Show-off"._

Chloe read the letter and quickly scribbled a reply. She nearly groaned when the triangle landed in the aisle again.

Kaya snickered once more and read Chloe's message.

_Tell me about it…_

_Le Gasp! D: You know that I only let you and Lavender look at my drawings! I'm not internally comfortable with anyone else seeing them!_

_Fine…You can have a few…or how about a Twix Bar? :)_

_Dude, do you ever get that feeling that something life changing is about to happen?_

_Random Ninja 3,  
__May the Force be with you_

Kaya speedily wrote down her answer.

_Can I copy your Geometry homework? Mathematical stuffs hurt my head D:_

_Whoa, whoa. Calm down…I know about your insecurities, don't have to yell._

_That'll do :D_

_Uh, dude…….That was random. And, no, I don't._

_Random Ninja 1,  
__Since when were you a Jedi?_

As she was about to pass the note back, she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Fearing that the teacher was onto the two note-passers she froze. Kaya turned and saw that it was just Lavender who was turning over in her sleep, spreading a trail of drool across a blank piece of paper that should have contained her notes for the class. Chuckling to herself, she sent the paper back to the blonde

Chloe read Kaya's reply and messily wrote some more on the already abused scrap of paper.

_Of course you can :) I love sharing my brain with you and Lavender. It makes me feel like I have a purpose in life ;D_

_You should damn well know about my phobia of letting other's see my artwork. It took me 3 months to let you look through my journal, and I nearly started bighting my nails from the nervous tension._

_Ok, I'll give you the candy later._

_Yes, yes it was…But anyways, to answer your negative answer: yeah neither do I._

_Random Ninja 3,  
__Since I got a light saber from by older bro for my birthday :D_

She was about to send the letter back when Mrs. Cotters turned around from the board and started to address the class.

"Ok everyone, turn to page 173 in your boo-" Her raspy voice was interrupted by a _beep _from the intercom.

"_Pardon the interruption, Mrs. Cotters, but please send Kaya Iero, Lavender Blue, and Chloe Jones to the office. Their cousins are here to pick them up for a sudden family emergency. Thank you."_

'_sigh'_ "Ok girls get your things and go to the office." Mrs. Cotters said.

Chloe crunched the thoroughly abused piece of paper into a small wad and stuffed it into the pocket of her hoodie. The blonde put her stuff into her backpack and headed for the door.

One row over, Kaya stuffed her books and other school supplies into her overflowing backpack. As she was getting up she looked over to Lavender and sighed. She was still asleep. The brunette walked over to Chloe and tapped her on the shoulder. The shorter of the two turned around and looked questioningly at her friend. One point in the direction of the slumbering teen was all she needed for an answer.

They walked over to Lavender and tried to wake her up. The rest of the class snickered to each other at the scene that was unfolding in front of them.

"Lavender…Laaavender…you-who, Lavender. Time to gooo." Chloe whispered next to Lavender's ear, unsuccessfully trying to arouse her friend. Exasperated, Kaya took her turn.

"Yo, Lavender!" She said quite loudly near her ear. "The blueberry muffins are ready!"

Lavender's head shot up, "MUFFINS?! I'LL TAKE SIX!" The class's laughter got all the louder from teen's outburst.

"Come on Lavender, we got called to the office." Kaya said after Lavender realized that there were in fact, no muffins in the room.

"Oh, ok." The final girl in the group packed up her supplies and followed the other two out of the room.

Once they were in the hallway Chloe turned to Kaya.

"What do you think the emergency is about?" The blonde muttered.

"I don't know." Kaya answered.

"Wait, what's this about emergencies?" Lavender questioned.

"We got called to the office about some sort of family emergency. Supposedly our cousins are here to pick us up." The brunette stated, answering Lavender's question.

"Oh." When the three look up they realized they had reached the office. But the thing that caught their attention were the three occupants in the office which usually only had one resident (besides when a student had a fever or a dentist appointment).

Though the teens could only see their backs, they could tell that the three strangers were male. One had long black hair tied back at the nape of his neck and was the tallest of the group, the next had _really_ long blonde hair that had some of it pulled up at the top of his head and was the middle height-wise, the last had short messy red hair and was the shortest of them.

"Are they who I think they are?" Chloe murmured after a few moments of standing awkwardly outside of the office and staring at the three figures.

Kaya looked over to Chloe and then back. "Either that or those three guys cosplay for a living."

Lavender was snapped out of her daze and grabbed the other girls arms. "Come on! Mrs. Jackson will probably get mad if we don't get in the office soon!"

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Now, Susan Jackson was your average 32 year old school secretary. She read each students permission slips, directed every bloody nose and upset stomach to the nurse's office, and wore school colors each and every Friday during football season. She can handle back-sassing teens and catfights in all of her floral blouse-short brown hair-and thin brimmed glasses-wearing glory.

But she might have just reached her limit.

It had been any normal Wednesday, a few tardies and a stray doctor's appointment was all the excitement she had gotten that morning. But everything got a lot more lively when _they_ walked through the doors.

The taller of the three males had black hair and held his chin up high, a regal aura emitting from him, face expressionless and a lean build. The blonde's dashing grin made his azure eyes twinkle, his gate was obviously vivacious. And the red-head looked totally relaxed and laid-back but at the same time serious with his reddish-brown, half-lidded eyes.

The three men were absolutely gorgeous.

Mrs. Jackson's heart sped up when she realized that they were heading for the office.

They entered the office and stopped in front of her desk. She stared at the three for a few minutes until the red-head cleared his throat. Snapped out of her daze, Mrs. Jackson straightened and fully faced the three newcomers.

"May I help you?" She asked, repeating the lines that she always fed to anyone who came to the office.

"Hai," began the male with the black-hair (also causing Mrs. Jackson's eyes to widen at his silky voice and accent), "We are here to recrui- er, _pick up_ Kaya Iero, Lavender Blue, and Chloe Jones."

"_Kaya Iero, Lavender Blue, and Chloe Jones?" _The names sounded familiar, and it took only a few moments for Susan Jackson to remember the three. The first thing that popped into her head was a track meet two years ago, where Lavender had been racing against three other girls.

_Flashback_

_Needless to say, the final race of the track meet was exiting. Lavender had stumbled a few times at the beginning of the race but was now ahead of the other runners. _

_They were nearing the finish line. _

_One of the teens had pulled ahead and was only a short distance away from Lavender. The glasses-wearing teen saw this and suddenly slowed down immensely. The girl that was right behind her crossed the finish line, shortly followed by Lavender._

_Mrs. Jackson had witnessed it all._

_The next day at school, Lavender, Kaya, and Chloe were passing by the office when she overheard the three's conversation. _

"_Lavender? I've been wondering…Why did you slow down at that last race at the track meet?" Kaya asked. "You could have come in first place!"_

"_Ya, I know. I could have beaten that bitch, but I just didn't feel like it." She shrugged to herself while her two friends blanched. _

_End of Flashback_

The next scenario that came to Susan Jackson's mind was one of Kaya Iero.

_Flashback_

_School had just ended and Mrs. Jackson was heading home. She was making her way towards the parking lot by the band hall to get to her car when she heard some students talking._

_She saw the three teens being confronted by a group of four other teenaged girls, their cheerleader leader up in front._

_Once again she listened in on their conversation._

"_Honestly Kaya, I don't see why you hang out with those two." Said the cheerleader, who Mrs. Jackson recognized as a one Melanie Norton._

"_You used to be apart of our gang, but once Loud Lavender moved here you left our group to be friends with her, and then you started hanging out with Creepy Chloe ." Melanie sniffed to herself. "I can't see how you like being friends with them. Lavender is so annoying, loud, stupid, and has the weirdest fashion sense. And Chloe is a, like, total freak, she never talks and is always staring off into space and stuff like that!" The girls behind her snickered to themselves._

_Mrs. Jackson continued to watch as Kaya's fist's balled up. She could practically feel the brunette's aggressive aura build up. Before she could do anything, Kaya pounced. _

_A flurry of fists, nails, and feet came down upon Melanie Norton. It wasn't long until Kaya was standing above her in victory._

"_Don't you EVER fucking talk about my friends like that ever again! You hear me you little slut?! If you ever bad-mouth Lavender or Chloe again and I'll cut off you damn hair and stuff it down you throat!" The other three groupies made a move to help their leader. Kaya saw this, turned to face them, and snarled. "And if any of you ever diss them or anything like that, I'll swipe your precious phones right out of your purses and smash them to bits! Right after I beat your pretty little makeup-enhanced faces in!"_

_The brunette turned to Melanie, who was still laying on the ground- looking up at Kaya in horror, "I can't believe I was ever one of your brainwashed little followers! I fucking wasted 5 years of my life being around you!" As Kaya moved to kick her again Mrs. Jackson knew it was time for her to intervene._

"_That will be enough Miss Iero." She said and she moved from her hiding spot (just around the corner of the band hall) to confront the girls._

"_Mrs. Jackson!" Chloe squeaked out. Melanie bit back her sneer of 'Well what do you know, it speaks.', while everyone acknowledged the secretary in surprise._

"_School is over, you should all be heading home." Mrs. Jackson was usually the most mellow person on the school's staff, but she did know how to get serious when she needed to. _

_Melanie's groupies quickly helped their leader off of the ground and hastily fled the scene. Kaya, Lavender, and Chloe were about to do the same but froze when Mrs. Jackson turned towards them._

"_Don't let me catch something like this happening again. Since its after school hours, I'll just let you three off with a warning." Mrs. Jackson then headed towards her car, leaving the three teens dumbfounded._

_One thought was going through each of their heads._

"No detention?"

_End of Flashback_

The final memory that came to Mrs. Jackson had been one that had shed a lot of light on Chloe Jones' true character.

_Flashback_

_The final bell had just rung. The day had been pretty boring but Mrs. Jackson expected a lot more excitement the following morning._

_Why?_

_Well because tomorrow was the day the sophomores dissected frogs in biology. _

_Oh joy._

_Mrs. Jackson was passing by said biology room, once again heading for her car, when Chloe Jones exited the classroom. The blonde had slowly crept out of the biology room and silently shut the door. When she had turned around she realized that Mrs. Jackson was there._

"_Oh! Mrs. Jackson!" Chloe squeaked out._

"_Miss Jones. Might I ask what you are still doing here?" Susan Jackson asked the student._

"_Um…I was just cleaning some things up for Mrs. Portman." The blonde mumbled nervously, fidgeting with the sleeves of her hoodie._

_The older woman looked at the teen, her answer seemed very suspicious. "Ah, well you had better get home now. Have a good evening." _

_Chloe jumped a little in surprise and quickly replied to Mrs. Jackson, "Thank you, have a nice day Mrs. Jackson. See you tomorrow." _

_The short teen quickly left._

_The next morning a shrill scream could be heard throughout the high school._

_Most of the teachers and a lot of students had rushed to where the scream had come from. _

_The large group of people gathered in front of the biology room. Frogs were hopping everywhere, they had escaped their cages and a few had even gotten out of the building. _

_Mrs. Portman, the biology teacher, explained that she had unlocked her door to find the entire room filled with freed frogs. The exact amphibians that were supposed to have been dissected that day._

_Mrs. Jackson realized that among the students that had gathered in front of the biology room were Kaya, Lavender, and Chloe. She noticed that the three were talking to each other. Susan Jackson also noticed that shortest of the three was chuckling darkly to herself._

"_What are you laughing at Chloe?"_

"_Justice."_

_End of Flashback_

Mrs. Jackson was brought out of her trip down memory lane by the red-head clearing his throat again.

"Oh! Excuse me! Why are you here to pick the girls up? I also need to know your names."

It was the blonde's turn to speak, "I'm Dei-" he was interrupted by an elbow to the stomach a la the short red-head. A pointed and enlightening glare was the answer the blonde got when he looked questioningly at his companion. He made a small sound of realization while the taller male with raven-colored hair rolled his onyx eyes.

"Ahem, as I was saying. I'm, er…_Dave _Iero, Kaya's cousin, un." He pointed to the black-haired man "This is I…an- ow!" _Dave_ glared at _Ian_, who had just stamped harshly on his foot. "Ian Blue, he's Lavender's cousin, un." Dave gestured to the last of the three. "And finally this is Seth Jones," The blonde gave _Seth_ a look that said _"Don't even think about it." _when he saw the red-head getting ready to smack him upside the head. "Chloe's cousin, un."

Mrs. Jackson blinked.

"_Well now…"_

"A-and your reason for picking up the girls?" The secretary asked skeptically.

It was the one called Seth that answered. "Chloe, Kaya, and Lavender's aunts, our mothers, were in a car accident. We were sent to retrieve the girls and drive them to the hospital." The red-head's blonde companion stared at him in shock, while Ian just raised his eyebrow a miniscule amount.

"_When did we come up with that cover-story, un?" _Dave thought to himself.

"Oh dear! I'll send for the girls immediately!" With a quick check to the schedule-record book she found out which class the girls were in. Mrs. Jackson also checked and saw that Mr. Nichols had sub today then hurried over to the intercom to call the world history room.

"Pardon the interruption, Mrs. Cotters, but please send Kaya Iero, Lavender Blue, and Chloe Jones to the office. Their cousins are here to pick them up for a sudden family emergency. Thank you."

Uchiha Itachi, Akasuna no Sasori, and Deidara all shared a look of victory.

"_Success!"_

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When the girls entered the office they walked straight up to Mrs. Jackson's desk. While her two friends were staring at the three men who they hoped were just really good cosplayers, Chloe decided to speak up. Though the secretary had to strain her ears a bit to hear the blonde.

"You called us to the office, Mrs. Jackson?" The blonde asked.

"Yes-" Mrs. Jackson was interrupted by a silver-haired, purple-eyed man poking his head into the office.

"What's taking you guys so fucking long?! Seriously, If I have to listen to Stitch-Face recount his money one more time, I'm going to fucking kill someone! And Fishstick ain't no help either!" He trailed off mumbling something about _"Damn shark man keeps twitching. Guess he cant handle being outside of his 'domain' for too fucking long."_

"Please sir, you can't curse like that in this school. Especially not in front of the children." Mrs. Jackson said. Kaya, Lavender, and Chloe blinked.

You can't curse in front of the children? What children?! Oh wait…

The silver-haired man turned to the secretary. "What do you mean fucking 'cursing'? I'm cussing for Jashin's sake! If I want to cuss I can cuss, regardless if I'm in front of fucking kids! I-"

"Henry," Ian interrupted the ranting man. He ignored his confused glare and yell of, _"Fucking 'Henry'?!" _and continued, "Go wait outside with…Kyle and Kevin…We will be done shortly." Dave and Seth stared at him.

"_When did he come up with all these names, un?" _Was what Dave was thinking.

"_How did Itachi think of those? They're a lot better than 'Seth'." _The red-head then turned to glare at the blonde.

"_Jashin? Oh boy, these guys are the real deal." _Chloe thought to herself.

After Henry exited the office (and the school building) Ian turned to Mrs. Jackson, "Please excuse our companion, he is quite foul-mouthed. Now, if there is nothing else, we need to be leaving soon."

"Oh! I just need the girls to sign out, then they can be on their way. Kaya, Lavender, Chloe, here's the sign-out sheet." The secretary handed the teens a clipboard, and they then wrote down their names and their reason for leaving. Kaya handed the clipboard back to Mrs. Jackson. The teens said their goodbyes to the older woman and skeptically followed the three males out of the office.

"Goodbye girls! I hope your aunts get well soon!" They heard Mrs. Jackson say.

"_What's wrong with our aunts?" _Lavender thought to herself.

Once a good distance from the office Kaya turned to the three who she knew to be shinobi.

"Ok, we've all caught on by now. We know you guys are part of the Akatsuki. So if you want this to look realistic and not…" She glanced over to Chloe for the word she was looking for, the blonde muttered a small, _"Arouse." _and Kaya nodded her thanks. "Arouse suspicion, you better let us go to our lockers and grab our stuff."

"_Smart girls."_ Itachi thought to himself. "Hn. Lead the way." They walked down the hallway to where a long line of lockers were located. Kaya, Lavender, and Chloe each stopped at a different locker. Kaya and Lavender's were the closest to each other while Chloe's was in a different section.

Itachi stopped behind Lavender and silently watched as she dialed the lock and opened her locker, grabbed her things, and turned around to stare at the Uchiha. A million things went through her mind. She blushed and quickly averted her eyes from the stoic ninja, all the while giggling to herself.

Sasori stopped behind Chloe and also silently watched her spin her lock and open her locker in a matter of seconds. _"Impressive, that didn't take long."_ She turned around only to squeak at the small space between herself and the Puppet Master. Realizing her discomfort, Sasori apologized and took a few steps back. The blonde hesitantly nodded her thanks and walked over to Lavender.

Deidara was leaning against a locker two over from where Kaya was trying to open hers. For the fifth time she slowly dialed the numbers. She silently prayed as she pulled down on the lock, unsuccessfully trying to open the locker. Frustrated she kicked at the locker door (a very amazing feet seeing as how she had a top locker) leaving a pretty decent sized dent.

"Damn locker never opens for me!"

Itachi stepped up, "Do you mind if I try Kaya-san? I was watching and am pretty sure I know the process."

The brunette was about to decline but thought to herself: _"He_ is _a genius."_ and stepped aside for the Uchiha. Deidara had left his position of leaning lazily against the lockers to stand next to his partner (who was losing his patience). Kaya gave Itachi her combination then walked a few steps over to Lavender and Chloe to watch.

Nearly six tries later at trying to open the teen's locker Itachi turned to the group.

"It is broken." He deadpanned. That could surely be the only reason as to why the Great Uchiha Itachi (Uchiha _freaking_ Itachi!) could not open the locker. It HAD to be malfunctioning.

Chloe sighed and stalked over to the locker that had a demonic aura enveloping it.

"Move aside." Was all she said as she pushed Itachi out of the way. The evil aura around the locker spiked. The petite blonde glared at it and grabbed a hold of the lock, the aura surrounding it wilted considerably. She swiftly spun the device and opened the locker that had been uncooperative with the other people.

Almost everyone stared that she short teen in shock. Kaya play-glared at the blonde and mouthed the words: _"Show off." _

Lavender leaned over to Deidara.

"Chloe is the Locker-Lord." Was what she whispered in his ear. He nodded dumbly.

Chloe turned around to face the group.

"Actually it's Locker-Mistress, Lord is a male title." She said quietly, brushing her bangs from her eyes only to have them fall back into place not a second later; leaving the males to wonder what her eye color _really _was.

"Oh yea!" Lavender said cheerily, breaking the melancholy mood.

"If you three are done we shall be leaving." Itachi said and turned towards the front doors to the school. The five followed him to the exit.

Once at the door, Kaya became exited and rushed to the doors. She raised her leg and kicked them open, grinning back at the group she went through then now opened exit. They all passed through the exit; Lavender smiling for all she was worth and Chloe quickly pulling up her hood, glaring at the cocky sun from under the cloth and her bangs.

A small glimmer caught Kaya's eye when she exited the building. Looking down she saw a nickel, the teen quickly reached down to grab the coin.

"Cool! A nickel! I shall name it Phillup!" The brunette exclaimed.

Deidara pushed her a bit and said, "Hurry up, it's just a stupid nickel! I want to get out of here, un."

Kaya turned to glare at him. "Don't mess with me Blondie!"

"Psh. Whatever, un." The blonde said, blowing his hair away from his face (though it just fell back in place).

"Deidara-san, I don't think it would be wise to aggravate her." The Uchiha warned.

"Tch. What's a little girl like her gonna do? It's not like she has any jutsu, un."

"_Oh yeah?" _Kaya thought to herself as she reached into her back pocket for a circular canister. She swung her arm around and pointed the can at Deidara's face.

"Pepper-Spray no Jutsu!" She pressed down on the top of the can and released the spray in his face.

"OH SHIT, UN! WHAT TYPE OF SICK JUTSU IS THIS?!" He covered his eye in agony.

Itachi reached over and grabbed the bottle from Kaya.

"It isn't a jutsu, it's just mace."

The brunette, who had wounded the blonde-haired-nin, looked over to Lavender and winked. Catching on, the teen winked back and scooted over to the Uchiha. She raised her arm and made her hand level with his neck, all outside of his peripheral vision.

"HADUKEN!" Lavender karate-chopped Itachi's neck, startling him and causing him to press down on the canister and spray himself in the face.

"AUGH! MY EYES!" The Uchiha joined Deidara in holding his face in pure anguish.

Chloe giggled to herself. It was so much like her friends usual antics to cause other people pain for their own entertainment. Sasori leaned over to her a bit, glad to be the only one of the three to remain unharmed.

"That seemed oddly out of character for Itachi-san. He usually evades all attacks on is person." He muttered to her, shaking his head.

The petite teen smiled softly, nodding to herself. She turned her head towards the red-head slightly.

"Yes, Lavender tends to have that effect on people. We joke that it's her 'special ability'."

"Ah. I see." Sasori said, adding: _"I suppose that would make her a good spy or something along those lines." _to himself.

Chloe reached into her purse-backpack for a bottle of water she had gotten during lunch. She handed the bottle to Deidara, who gladly took it and washed out his eyes. He handed it to Itachi who also flushed his orbs free of the lingering pepper-spray. They said their thanks to the short teen.

"Ahem, now…Lets get back to the others." Itachi said, cheeks tinged with the tiniest pinch of pink from the embarrassment of before.

"_Is he _**blushing**_?"_ They all thought incredulously. They all snapped out of their daze when they realized that the Uchiha was already headed towards the school parking lot.

After they caught up to the ebony-haired shinobi, Kaya, Lavender, and Chloe noticed three other figures standing around a certain vehicle. Closer to the sight they realized that the three people were a henge'd Kisame; now with normal colored skin, no gills, and regular sized eyes; an also henge'd Kakuzu; with no mask to be found, nada stitches, and green on white eyes; and the silver-haired man from before; Hidan.

"_What the-? Just how many Naruto characters are here?!"_ Lavender thought to herself.

The three new males looked up and saw the oncoming six. Hidan straightened up.

"About fucking time you bastards got here! We've been waking for-fuckin-ever!"

Deidara rolled his eyes at the foul-mouthed man.

The three girls regarded the Jashinist briefly, but their attention was focused on the vehicle behind him.

"_A…a…minivan?" _Chloe asked herself skeptically.

Lavender was too shocked to speak or think.

Kaya blinked.

"SQUEE! A Goober-Mobile!" The brunette exclaimed.

The ninja's looked at her.

"What the hell is the bitch talking about?" Hidan said, looking over to his companions.

"I think the automobile-thing." Kakuzu answered his partner.

After a few moments of silence Kisame spoke up.

"I think its about time we go." Itachi agreed with his partner and ushered the girls towards the minivan. Right outside of the minivan, Kaya once again stopped, this time to pick up a quarter.

"I shall call this quarter Danny. Now I have 30 cents!"

Kakuzu stepped up.

"There is a 10 cent entry fee per person for the ride." He said holding his hand out to the teen. Lavender leaned over to Kaya after a quick look at Chloe.

"Can Chloe and I borrow ten cents?" The glasses-wearing girl asked. Kaya sighed and solemnly nodded her head. She handed her recently acquired coins to Kakuzu who gladly took them.

Once again Itachi ushered the girls into the automobile, taking their backpacks and handing the luggage to Kisame to throw in the trunk of the vehicle.

Lavender took the outermost right seat in the middle row, Kaya next to her, then Chloe beside her. Behind the teens were Kisame, Itachi, Deidara, and Sasori. Kisame on the farthest right and Sasori on the farthest left. Itachi next to Kisame and Deidara to Sasori.

Kakuzu was riding shot-gun and Hidan was in the driver's seat. The girls were a little shocked when the silver-haired man settled down behind the wheel.

"Uh, does he know how to drive?" Kaya asked hesitantly, a little frightened at the idea of the Jashininst driving the minivan.

"Of course I can fucking 'drive' this shit. I spied on a bunch of stupid kids all day to learn the fuckin process. Please bitch, just shut yer trap and let me ride this thing!" He said.

"You mean drive." Chloe added.

Hidan looked back at her.

"Uh, yeah. That too."

"_Why do I feel as if I won't come out of this minivan unharmed?" _Lavender thought to herself.

The silver-haired man shoved the key into the ignition and flicked his wrist. The car sputtered then died on them.

"Fuckin shit! Yo Stitch-Face, come help me see what the hell is wrong with this heathen of a machine." The partner of the foul-mouthed man sighed, exited the minivan, and followed Hidan to the front of the vehicle. Hidan opened the hood of the car only to release a bunch of smoke.

"Fucking shit times two!"

Inside of the minivan it was eerily quiet. Lavender looked over to Chloe and waved at her to get her attention. When the blonde glanced at her questioningly, the taller teen started mouthing some things.

"_Do you wanna annoy Kaya?" _She silently-asked.

"_Sure, I guess. What do you have in mind?" _Chloe replied.

"_Three words: _YouandMe_."_ A gleam came to the blonde's unseen eyes when she realized what her friend implied by those choice words.

A very uncharacteristic smirk appeared on her face as she mouthed the words: _"Bring it on."_

_Me and you, and you and me  
__No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be  
__The only one for me is you, and you for me  
__So happy together_

At this point, Kaya had started twitching. This only caused their singing to increase in sound.

_I cant see me loving nobody but you  
__For all my life!  
__When you're with me, baby the skies will be blue  
__For all my li-_

"Just stop!" Kaya interrupted them. "I've heard that song so many times I hate it!"

The silence only lasted so long.

_One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do  
__Two can be as bad as one  
__It's the loneliest number since the number one…_

"Uh…we don't know the rest of the song." Lavender said sullenly, ignoring Kaya's remark of: _"Thank god."_

Suddenly Kisame burst into song.

_No is the saddest experience you'll ever know  
__Yes, it's the saddest experience you'll ever know  
_'_Cause one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do_

Grinning, Lavender and Chloe joined in with him.

_One is the loneliest number, worse than two  
__It's just no good anymore since you went away  
__Now I spend my time just making rhymes of yesterday_

The remaining occupants of the minivan stared at Kisame in shock.

"What, it's a good song."

It was at that point that Hidan and Kakuzu came back into the minivan.

"What was wrong?" Chloe asked quietly, still in her good mood from the little singing scene.

"There was a fuckin squirrel in there!" Hidan answered, glaring out the windshield, "Piece of rabid shit pounced the moment it saw me. Had to rip it off my face before it gave me some sort of fucking disease! You people better hold on tight, I'm in a bad mood and ready to leave this heathen of a world."

Not a second after he said that the minivan roared to life and they were off.

_-_

It was another hot day and Charlie was downright bored.

Now, Charlie is your average seventeen year old. Besides the fact that he finished high school early and was currently going to the town's community college when he wasn't at his part time job.

Where does he work, you say? Why at the town's public pool actually.

Charlie was sitting on his lifeguard podium thing, just reading a book when he suddenly heard the sound of a speeding car. He looked up to see an oncoming minivan.

"_What the-?"_ He realized that the automobile was heading for the pool and was showing no signs of slowing down. Charlie jumped off of his podium and out of the way of the minivan as it crashed through the fence and went flying through the air towards the pool.

-

_(A few minutes prior, in the minivan)_

Kaya, Lavender, and Chloe were gripping the edges of their seats as if their lives depended on it. Which technically it did. Why? Well because Hidan was driving _waaay_ over the speed limit.

Chloe finally burst from all of the tension.

"YOU JUST RAN 9 RED LIGHTS! AND THERE ARE ONLY 6 STOP LIGHTS IN TOWN!"

Kaya and Lavender stared at their short friend, mouths agape and eyes as wide as dinner plates.

"That… had to be… the _loudest_… we have ever heard you speak." They said at the same time.

Chloe turned to them and spoke, "Lets focus on the matter at hand here."

"Right." Lavender answered, turning to where Hidan was sitting. "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! EDWARD CULLEN?!"

Kaya snorted to herself, "Lol, Edward Cullen." She laughed to herself again.

Her two friends silently regarded her before Hidan spoke.

"We're almost fucking there! Finally!"

"Where's 'there'?" Lavender asked.

The nin's only reply was a point towards an area outside of the windshield.

"The pool?" Kaya asked skeptically.

"Yep." A psychotic smirk appeared on the silver-haired man's face.

They realized that he had no intention of slowing down, which meant that they were going to crash into the pool.

Kaya turned to Chloe.

"Hey Chloe?"

"Yes, Kaya?" The blonde replied unable to stop staring out the windshield, utterly terrified.

The minivan crashed through the fence as Kaya continued to speak to her friend.

"You remember that promise you made me that if we were to be in some sort of water-related problem, you would save me from drowning on account of how I can't swim?"

"Yes. I remember that" The short teen answered as the automobile went flying through the air towards the chlorine-water of the pool.

Before the van hit the water Kaya said one last thing.

"It's time for you to fulfill that promise."

Suddenly Lavender turned to her two friends.

"Dude, I think we've just been kidnapped…"

-

Charlie watched as the van hit the water. It sank to the bottom of the pool. A few air bubbles were the only thing that broke the surface after a few minutes.

He realized that it was his job as a lifeguard to save whoever was in that automobile. Charlie dived into the pool.

About two minutes later Charlie resurfaced; gasping for air and eyes as wide as humanly possible. Only one thought was going through his mind.

"_The minivan wasn't down there."_

_-_

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_-_

Thirrin73: Finally! I'm done! 30 pages…finally _'dies from typing overload'_

Poindexter107: Gyah! _'pushes Sasori towards Thirrin73's unmoving body' _Save her!

Sasori: Psh, she's fine. Just let her rest.

Akatsuki115: Ok everyone! There's the first chapter of _World's Worst Ninja's_! Thank Thirrin73 for typing it all up. :D

Poindexter107: You all had _better_ thank her, she spent almost 3 month's typing this.

Itachi: Now, review.

Hidan: Or we'll never hear the fuckin end of it.

Akatsuki115: ^_^ Yep, we need at least three reviews before the next update.

Thirrin73: _'sigh'_ I had better get started…

Sasori: _'gasp'_ You're alive :D! Ahem, I mean-you're alive?

Thirrin73: Aaaw, I didn't know you cared. ^^

Akatsuki115: Aaanywho, review!

Everyone: Yes! (Fucking) Review!


	2. Are We There Yet?

Me: Hi there and welcome to chapter two of _World's Worst Ninjas_!

Thirrin73: First off we would like to thank **SoftcoreOtaku**, **CatDevilAsian**, and **XSweetXSourXSoulX **for reviewing.

Wiseone107: Also, we would like to thank everyone who took the time to read the first chapter; though we would have been happier if those (BLANK AMOUNT OF) persons had actually reviewed.

Thirrin73: Criticism IS welcomed.

Me: Disclaimer time! If any of us actually owned _Naruto_, Kabuto would have left Orochimaru a long time ago.

Wiseone107: Yea, so his butt hole wouldn't be the size of Stargate.

Thirrin73: Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors, any randomness you don't like, or anything else. Dialog is as such:

"Blah."- Speech  
_"Blah." _- Thoughts  
_'Blah.'_ – Actions and sound effects  
_Blah._ – Flashbacks/Recaps

Me: OOCness abound of course. Oh, and Tobi will just be Tobi in this story. But he will have sudden bursts of Madara-ness. So technically this is somewhat of an AU. But anyways…

Everyone: Enjoy!

**.xXx.**

Dedicated to:

_Whoever reads and reviews :D_

**.xXx.**

_World's Worst Ninjas_

.**xXx**.

Written by:

_Thirrin73, Omfgthisisgay321 (Akatsuki115), and Poindexter107_

.**xXx**.

_**Chapter 1:**_

_Are We There Yet?_

.**xXx**.

_(Recap)_

_Kaya, Lavender, and Chloe were gripping the edges of their seats as if their lives depended on it. Which, technically it did. Why? Well because Hidan was driving waaay over the speed limit._

_Chloe finally burst from all of the tension._

"_YOU JUST RAN 9 RED LIGHTS! AND THERE ARE ONLY 6 STOP LIGHTS IN TOWN!"_

_Kaya and Lavender stared at their short friend, mouths agape and eyes as wide as dinner plates._

"_That… had to be… the loudest… we have ever heard you speak." They said at the same time._

_Chloe turned to them and spoke, "Let's focus on the matter at hand here."_

"_Right." Lavender answered, turning to where Hidan was sitting. "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! EDWARD CULLEN?!"_

_Kaya snorted to herself, "Lol, Edward Cullen." She laughed to herself again._

_Her two friends silently regarded her before Hidan spoke._

"_We're almost fucking there! Finally!"_

"_Where's 'there'?" Lavender asked._

_The nin's only reply was a point towards an area outside of the windshield._

"_The pool?" Kaya asked skeptically._

"_Yep." A psychotic smirk appeared on the silver-haired man's face._

_They realized that he had no intention of slowing down, which meant that they were going to crash into the pool._

_Kaya turned to Chloe._

"_Hey Chloe?"_

"_Yes, Kaya?" The blonde replied unable to stop staring out the windshield, utterly terrified._

_The minivan crashed through the fence as Kaya continued to speak to her friend._

"_You remember that promise you made me that if we were to be in some sort of water-related problem, you would save me from drowning on account of how I can't swim?"_

"_Yes. I remember that." The short teen answered as the automobile went flying through the air towards the chlorine-water of the pool._

_Before the van hit the water Kaya said one last thing._

"_It's time for you to fulfill that promise."_

_Suddenly Lavender turned to her two friends._

"_Dude, I think we've just been kidnapped…"_

_Charlie watched as the van hit the water. It sank to the bottom of the pool. A few air bubbles were the only thing that broke the surface after a few minutes._

_He realized that it was his job as a lifeguard to save whoever was in that automobile. Charlie dived into the pool._

_About two minutes later Charlie resurfaced; gasping for air and eyes as wide as humanly possible. Only one thought was going through his mind._

"The minivan wasn't down there."

_(End of Recap)_

We come upon a large, peaceful lake. The aquatic plants above and below the calm water sway to-and-fro. The fish lazily swim about. Deer and other woodland creatures drink the cool water. Ducks land on the surface and dragonflies dart across the crystal clear lake. All is calm…

'_SPLASH!'_

And it all changed in a matter of seconds.

Nine heads break through the surface of the middle of the lake. Five of them climb on top of the water to stand where no regular human should be able to. The three other heads bob up and down with the small waves. Well, two do, the other is splashing around frantically.

"Help! I can't swim! Hurry up and save me already!" Kaya yells.

"Oh, be quiet Kaya. It's not so bad." Lavender retorts.

Kaya's frantic yelling of _"Help me before I drown!" _cease to allow her to glare at the other teen's head, floating a few feet away.

"You can't swim either, Lavender." The be-speckled girl blinked at this statement.

"Oh, yeah."

Lavender joined Kaya in frantically splashing around and calling for help.

The only calm teen sighed as she watched her friends yell. Right before she swam over to the two girls to calm them down. Lavender and Kaya were hoisted out of the water by the back of their shirts.

"Kisame-san. Swim down to the vehicle and retrieve the brat's packs." Kakuzu ordered as he threw the two depressed and soaking wet teens over his shoulders like sacks of potatoes.

The x-Kiri nin nodded and dived back into the lake's waters.

"Now, where's the other girl?" The nins looked around for a blonde head of hair –only to realize that Chloe was already on the bank, drying herself off.

"Wow, un. She's fast."

"Chloe was on the town's swim team for 6 years in a row." Kaya said proudly from over Kakuzu's shoulder, answering everyone's unspoken question.

"Hn. I suggest we join her in drying off." Itachi said. And so five shinobi and two teens made their way across the lake's surface to where Chloe was sitting, hood already shading her face and ear buds in her ears, silently listening to her iPod.

Kakuzu's dumped Lavender and Kaya on the ground once he reached the grassy floor of the bank.

The two teens glared at him while they got up and walked over to Chloe. They looked at her in curiosity.

"How is your iPod still working? It should be soaked!" Kaya questions.

"My mini-pack is water-proof." Chloe mumbled.

Suddenly Lavender looked up.

"Wait, won't our stuff be all wet? I had important stuff in there!" Kaya and Chloe exclaimed their words of agreement. The two taller teens had managed to stuff their purses into their bags, before they had left the school, to lessen the luggage burden.

Sasori spoke up to calm the worried teens.

"We put a jutsu on your bags before we left. They should be dry."

The three teens sighed sighs of relief but before they could say anything Hidan jumped.

"Holy fuck!"

Everyone turned to look at the Jashinist to see what had suddenly upset him. What they saw was a sopping wet squirrel clinging to his shoulder. Hidan quickly grabbed the small creature and tried to throw it. But the poor thing just grabbed onto his hand for all it was worth.

"Get it the hell off of me! Fuckin' vermin-heathen's gonna give me rabies!" Hidan finally ripped the squirrel off of his hand and was about to throw it clear across the lake when a small hand grabbed his wrist. The silver-haired man looked down to see Chloe.

"What the hell?! Let go of my arm bi-" Hidan's words stopped dead in his throat at the sight of the short blonde's glare and the chill of the demonic aura enveloping her.

"Put. The squirrel. Down." Her grip on Hidan's wrist tightened with each icy word.

"Ow! That fuckin' hurts!" A short spasm in the Jashinist's hand caused him to drop the squirrel into Chloe's awaiting palm. Wide eyed, Hidan scrambled away from the seemingly harmless girl to the group of on-watching nins and teens.

Hidan turned to Kakuzu as they watched Chloe lower the squirrel to the grassy floor.

"She's fucking scary." The Jashinist said as they continued observing the blonde, now reaching into her backpack-purse for a package of dry-roasted peanuts which she opened. She handed a few nuts to the squirrel, who then ran into the forest. But before the squirrel left it turned to Hidan and looked at him with a wounded and betrayed expression.

"The hell?"

"…"

"Wait…" Everyone looked over to Lavender, waiting for her to continue. "Had that squirrel been on Hidan's shoulder the entire time?" Sweat drops fell from everyone's heads, while Lavender rubbed the back of her head trying to remember if the squirrel had been in the minivan.

It was then that Kisame appeared.

"What did I miss?" The shark man asked, noticing the still lingering look of horror on Hidan's face, as well as the confusion and surprise on some of the others.

"Oh, nothing much." Kaya answered as she walked over to the x-Kiri nin to grab her belongings.

"Well now, if everyone is dried off we should be heading to the base to report to Leader-sama." Sasori said once the girls had their backpacks.

The group of nine headed into the foresty-swampy area near the lake. The deeper they went the more humid it got. This caused extreme discomfort to one of the travelers.

"Jeez," Kaya said, "All this humidity is making me all sweaty and wet!" A quick warning glare at Lavender silenced her snide remark before she could open her mouth.

"I'm just glad we're in the shade and out of the stupid sun." Chloe muttered to herself. This statement was true, a canopy of branches, leaves, and vines intertwined over their heads. They walked over a carpet of dead leaves. The sounds of forest animals and calling birds echoed throughout the trees. They had to watch where they walked because outside of the path of leaves were bog-like waters.

They walked in silence once again, but not for long.

"Are we there yet?" Lavender asked with a crooked grin on her face.

"No." Answered Itachi.

"Oh…" Lavender muttered in disappointment. But she quickly got over this.

"Are we there yet?" She asked not two minutes later.

"No." Itachi replied once more.

"Now?"

"No." The Uchiha said, starting to get aggravated

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"_No_."

"…"

"…"

"Now?"

"We'll fucking get there when we get there!" Hidan exclaimed.

"But when are we going to get there?!" Kaya and Chloe just sat back (technically walked) and watched the chaos unfold. They knew Lavender was just trying to annoy the nins, she really didn't care when they got to the base. Entertainment through others annoyance was just one of the many perks of being friends with the purple-streaked-black-haired girl.

"Hey Chloe?" Kaya whispered, while Lavender continued her _"Are we there yet?" _routine.

"Yes Kaya?" The blonde replied, enjoying the show.

"Did you notice?"

"Notice what?"

"The Akatsuki."

"What about them?"

"They're wearing civilian clothes. Like, no awesomesauce cloaks or those rice hats that go _'ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling'_."

"Yes, yes I did notice that."

"Ok, just making sure I wasn't imagining stuff."

"Alright then."

"Are we there now?!" Lavender asked.

"If you fucking ask that damn question _one more time_, I'm going to shove a stick down your fucking, little, heathen of a throa-"

"We're here, un!"

Everyone looked up to see a large bolder that Deidara was pointing at with a triumphant grin on his face.

"Huh?" The three teens said in union.

Suddenly a door-way shaped hole appeared in middle of the large boulder. An orange-mask wearing male exited what the girls now recognized as a cave entrance. Upon sighting the group the man started waving excitedly.

"Oh Kami, un. I thought _he_ was on a mission with Zetsu-san." Deidara muttered to himself, though everyone heard him.

"I guess they returned early." Kisame added as they watched Tobi approach them.

"Welcome back senpai's! Tobi is really happy to see you all again!" They hyper nin noticed that the nin weren't alone. "Oh! Are these the new recruits Tobi heard Leader-sama telling Zetsu-san about?"

"Yes Tobi, un, these are the girls we went to retrieve." Deidara answered already irritated with the loud Tobi. The rest of the nins just stayed silent, while the girl's eyes darted from Tobi to Deidara thinking the same thought. _"They do know we're right here don't they?"_

"Oh goodie! Tobi is so very happy to meet Recruit-chans!" Suddenly Tobi ran up to Lavender and hugged her. Once done he turned to Kaya and did the same. Chloe received her hug shortly after. The masked-nin ran back to his previous place in front of the group after his little show of Tobi-ness.

"Um, what are Recruit-chan's names? Tobi wants to get to know you better!" Sweat drops fell from most of the other's heads. Kaya figuratively stepped forward to answer Tobi.

"I'm Kaya Iero," the brunette pointed at Lavender and continued. "This is Lavender Blue," and with a quick jerk of the thumb she pointed Chloe out, "And she's Chloe Jones."

"Welcome to the Akatsuki's Main Base Kaya-chan, Lavender-chan, and Chloe-chan! Tobi is Tobi! Tobi is sure we will be the best of friends." Once again sweat drops fell.

"Yeah, yeah, un. Introductions are over. Let's go report to Leader-sama."

The group made their way into the cave entrance, ignoring Tobi's outburst of _"Okie-dokie Deidara-senpai!"_ They were in a sort of living room area but the teens didn't pay attention to the objects occupying the room. They were somewhat awe inspired by the fact they were in an actual _Akatsuki Base_. Sasori instructed them to leave their backpacks in the room so as not to carry around any unnecessary luggage. They did so and continued walking with the group of nins. They noticed that many hallways were connected to the living room, all branching off in different directions.

Tobi left the group once they started down the second corridor from the left. As he disappeared, Tobi's voice came to them sounding somewhat distant.

"Tobi will go tell Zetsu-san that you have all returned!"

Not long after, the nine stopped in front of one of the doors lining the hallway. Itachi turned to the teens and spoke.

"I will go in first and give a brief report to Leader-sama. After that I will return and you shall enter. Senior members Kakuzu-san and Sasori-san will follow while Kisame, Hidan-san, and Deidara-san wait here or go to rest."

The nin uttered agreements of _"Hai."_ while the girls nodded.

With a curt nod, Itachi turned from the group, raised his knuckle to the polished wooden door, and knocked.

He only had to wait a short moment before a muffled _"Enter."_ was heard. Once Itachi entered the room a long silence enveloped the group.

"Well," Hidan said after a while of staring at the door with the others, "I'm going to get some damn food. I don't know about you heathens, but I'm fucking _hungry_." The silver-haired Jasinist then left the group. But not a minute after he disappeared, Itachi came out of the room.

"Ok, I have informed Leader-sama of all that has occurred in the past twenty-four hours. Kaya-san, Lavender-san, and Chloe-san."

"Yes?" They answered.

"There are a few guidelines I just inform you three of before you meet with Leader-sama. 1) Speak only when requested. 2) Control any strange urges you might have. And 3) Try to be as silent as possible. Leader-sama currently has a migraine. Now, you may enter."

As Kaya, Lavender, and Chloe walked through the door Itachi held open Sasori and Kakuzu followed in after the three while Kisame and Deidara uttered words of _"Good luck."_ and such. Lastly Itachi passed through the doorway, closing the door with a soft click.

It was dark in the room for a few candles were the only source of light. The teens couldn't really see much of what was in the room besides a desk, behind which sat a figure shrouded in darkness.

"Welcome. Do you young ladies know who I am?" The figure asked.

"Yes. Pein, leader of the Akatsuki." Kaya answered for her friends.

The mentioned man's eyebrow moved up a miniscule amount. "Really now? That saves a lot of time. Do you know why you are here as well?" Kaya's mouth opened and closed again, she had no answer to this question. But Chloe came to her aid.

As far as I can gather, you want us to join the Akatsuki. Correct?" They couldn't see it, but Pein smirked.

"Your presumption is accurate, Chloe Jones is it?"

The blonde nodded, but her brows furrowed in confusion. "But why us? We're just three normal teenagers. Not really ninja material."

"Ah. To explain why it is you three, I will have to tell you a little tale. Or Konan will for that matter. Konan." The previously unnoticed kunoichi stepped forward from behind Pein and stopped in front of the girls.

"Not very long ago, while Zetsu-san was patrolling the area around the base he came across a lake. He had never seen it before and was surprised when he fount it. He noticed a boar trapped in a thorny thicket near the lakes bank. Not thinking much of what he was doing, he freed the boar. And before his eyes it transformed into an elderly woman.

""_Thank you for rescuing me."_ She had said, _"For this kind deed, I will tell you something you might be interested in. Below the waters of this lake is a portal. A portal that links this world to another. A world completely different, yet somewhat the same as ours. In this world you might find people you can use for your organization, the Akatsuki. But then again, you might find no such people. If there are, they will be oblivious of their power and potential. No go, tell your leader of what you have seen and learned."_

"While the woman had been talking Zetsu-san had felt unable to move or speak. But when she finished and suddenly disappeared feeling returned to his limbs and his tongue no longer felt heavy. Zetsu-san returned here and told us what he had been told. Itachi-san, Kisame-san, Sasori-san, Deidara-san, Kakuzu-san, and Hidan-san were immediately sent out to investigate. Indeed, there was a portal at the bottom of the lake and once they entered the portal they arrived in your world. Everyday for two weeks one would report back here while the six searched for someone, anyone, in the town that would be an asset to the Akatsuki.

"When it seemed as if it had been a fruitless journey they felt a sudden surge of chakra. The six followed the chakra to a school. There they found three distinctly different chakra signatures. They began to observe the holders of the signatures, you three young ladies. After about a week, Pein-kun decided it was time to bring you three here. And so, here you are." Konan smiled a small smile, stepped back, and let what she told them sink in. Needless to say, they were speechless.

"Now," Pein started, "It is pretty obvious that you don't know how to use your powers, or even what they are. So you shall each be assigned to a team for instruction. Lavender-san will be with Itachi-san and Kisame-san, Kaya-san with Kakuzu-san and Hidan-san, and Chloe-san with Sasori-san and Deidara-san."

"You mean like tutoring?" Lavender's Inner-Mind Theater got to work at this thought.

_(Lavender's Inner-Mind Theater)_

_3..._

_2..._

_1..._

_Now Presenting: Arithmetic with the Akatsuki – Part One ~ Professor Kisame and Lavender?_

_In as medium sized room is Kisame. Behind him is a chalk board. In front, Lavender is seated in a desk with a piece of paper and a pencil laid upon it._

"_Ok my student. Today I will be tutoring you in math." He turned to the board and picked up the piece of chalk, "Now, if y=2(7x+14)+15x-12, what is the value of x?"_

_Kisame received a blank look as his answer._

"_Okaaay, let's try an easier problem. If Sally walks north 263 feet to her friends house from her home, then 954 feet east to another friends house, how far would she have traveled if she had gone straight to her seconds friends house?"_

"_Whoa, whoa. This is still, like, Chloe-Level. Let's dumb it down a bit more." Lavender said, twirling the pencil._

_Kisame was starting to get irritated. "Fine, if two trains leave different sta-"_

"_Nah, too hard." Lavender interrupted while Kisame's eye started to twitch._

"_What is 30015 times 70-"_

"_Nope." The piece of chalk in Kisame's hand snapped into two._

"_4156 minus 56-"_

"_Mh-mm" The two halves of chalk became the equivalent of talcum powder._

"_What's 1 plus 1?"_

"_Two!"_

"_Useless! No! It's three!"_

_Part Two ~ Professor Kakuzu and Kaya?_

_The setting is the same. The only difference is Kakuzu in place of Kisame and Kaya instead of Lavender._

"_Now, if you have 4 dollars and 35 cents," He placed four dollar bills, three dimes, and a nickel on her desk, "And I take 3 dollars and 4 cents away," Kakuzu quickly swiped the desired amount off the desk, "How much do you have left?"_

_Kaya looked down at the money remaining on her desk and silently calculated the amount._

"_$1.31?"_

"_Correct!"_

"_Yay!"_

"_Let's try another problem. If you have $46.80," He placed the money on her desk once more, "And I take away $9.64 how much do you have left?" Kaya clenched her eyes shut and thought to herself._

"_Ummm...$37.16?"_

"_Correct!"_

"_Yay!"_

"_One more time, if I have $473.50," Kakuzu put the money on her desk, "And you take all of it," She stuffed the money in her pocket, "What do you have?"_

"_A death wish?"_

"_Correct!"_

"_Yay!"_

"_Now, give me my money back."_

"_Aaaw..."_

_Part Three ~ Professor Sasori and Chloe?_

_Sasori is writing on the chalk board while Chloe is waiting with her pencil in hand._

"_If y=36(4x-85)+20x-15(35x+7) what is...the value...of x..." He glanced back at her, "Would you rather I changed it to something easier? This near impossible to figure out."_

_Chloe stood up and walked to the board. "Move aside." She mumbled as she lightly pushed him out of the way and took hold of the piece of chalk. In a matter of seconds she was through with the problem, answer messily written in a circle._

"_..."_

"_..."_

"_What's the point in this," Sasori said as he turned from the board and threw his arms in the air, "You're already a genius!" _

Lavender's imagination was cut short by the real Chloe.

"I don't think that's what he had in mind. They're probably going to teach us ninja-stuff." She said softly.

"Oh..." Lavender sighed, disappointed.

"Yes...Now if you three would leave for a few moments. I need to have a private meeting with everyone. Kakuzu-san. Sasori-san. Itachi-san."

The resounding _"Hai."_s made the girls jump, for they had forgotten that the three shinobi were there.

"Go and retrieve your partners. You are all dismissed."

Once they were out of the room and back in the hallway Lavender turned to her friends. "Wow, what did you guys think of _that_?"

"He was even more intimidating that I thought he would be," Chloe muttered, "I was _so_ nervous."

"Yeah," Kaya agreed, "So we have...ninja-power-things?"

"I guess so, what do we do now?" It was then that they realized that they were alone in the hallway, the shinobi had disappeared.

After a few moments of silence, Chloe spoke up, "Well, I think I want to go and look around for a bit. I suggest you two wait in that living room area where we had left our backpacks. I'll meet you there later." The two taller teens nodded and the petite blonde wondered off. They headed to the room she had mentioned. Once there they finally took a good look at its contents. They noticed a large couch, a few recliners, a coffee table, and a flat screen TV.

"Wow," Kaya said after a few moments of wide eyes and dropped jaws, "Who would have thought that you would find _this_ in an Akatsuki base."

"Yeah, I was kinda expecting torches on the walls and dripping gave-ceilings." Lavender said in awe as well.

They looked at each other for a moment and shrugged. The two teens sat on the couch and an awkward silence enveloped the air in the room. Suddenly, Lavender sat up and turned to Kaya.

"Hey Kaya, I was thinking..."

"Yeah?" Kaya answered.

"What makes Chloe's glare so scary when you can't even see her eyes?"

"..."

"...Kaya...?" A far off look had come to the brunette's eyes.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Ka-?"

"It's her aura." Kaya interrupted, "You can feel the aura that envelopes her when she glares at you. It feels like you are falling through a dark, eternal abyss. As you are falling, all the happiness in the world is sucked away. It gets colder and colder, but you don't freeze to death. And when you feel as if you're never going to stop falling and will be in this icy hell forever, you get sucked into a black-hole and are no more."

Lavender was staring at her wide eyed friend, slowly scooting to the other end of the couch.

"W-when did Chloe glare at you?" Mechanically, Kaya's head turned to her, large eyes unseeing.

"That morning after we had spent the night at her house. I was playing around and stole some of her hash browns." Lavender then understood.

"Chloe in the morning is scaaary! Especially when her hash browns are at stake!" She exclaimed with wide eyes.

"Yup." Kaya nodded in answer.

They both shivered and then there was anther awkward silence between them.

"So...what do you think is going to happen? You know...since we're going o be ninjas and stuff." Kaya asked.

"I don't know, could be fun though." Lavender shrugged.

An idea came to Kaya, "Yeah! This _could _be fun! Let's make a pact."

"What kind of pact?"

"A pact to drive our new teachers crazy."

"...keep talking..."

"We do whatever we can to mess with them, at anytime an opportunity appears. Like, you should hide fish in Kisame's room."

"You could replace Kakuzu's kunai with sporks!"

"Hide all of Itachi's hair-bands!"

"Cut off Hidan's foot, steal all of Kakuzu's money, and flush the foot and cash down the toilet!"

"Maybe not something as drastic as that, they might kill me in a fit of blind rage."

"From what I can tell, we're kid of important. So I don't think they are allowed to kill or permanently maim us."

"Hmm...Good point. I'll keep that in mind."

The two teens were just shaking hands when Chloe walked in.

"What are you two agreeing on?" The blonde asked.

"Nooothiiing..." They answered with sly grins.

"Ok, but whatever you two are planning you had better not get killed." Chloe muttered.

"Don't worry, we won't!"

"You two answering at the same time is getting kind of creepy, please stop."

"Whyyy? Does it bother you?"

"Yes, so stop."

"Okaaay!"

As Chloe was sitting down next to Kaya Pein, Konan, Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, Deidara, Kakuzu, Hidan, Tobi, and a previously unseen Zetsu walked into the room.

"Ok," Pein started, now no longer covered in shadows, "It's all been settled. You will each head to your assigned base with your new senseis in an hour or so.

"Wait," Chloe said, "You mean we're being separated?"

"We won't see each other for _blank amount of time_?" Kaya added, worry evident in her voice.

"Seriously?!" Lavender exclaimed, hands gripping the sides of her head.

"Yes." Pein answered simply. He pointed at Lavender. "Lavender Blue-san. You, Itachi-san, and Kisame-san will go to the Leaf/Fire Country base." His finer traveled to Kaya who was sitting next to Lavender. "Kaya Iero-san. You, Kakuzu-san, and Hidan-san will go to the Waterfall base." Lastly, his finger landed on Chloe. "Chloe Jones-san. You, Sasori-san, and Deidara-san will go to the Snow base."

The three new, ninja-in-training looked at each other with wide eyes and thought the same thought.

"_What have we gotten ourselves into?"_

.**xXx**.

Me: Ok everyone, we hope you all enjoyed the second chapter of _World's Worst Ninjas_!

Thirrin73: We all worked really hard on this so we would _really_ appreciate some reviews!

Wiseone107: Sorry it was so late and all, we've been having some technical difficulties.

Everyone: So anyways,

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


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